Wow.

Today I was not my best. It was a long frustrating, exhausting day. Oscar has never heard me cry before. Perhaps that's a good thing, he sat next to me in his cage and made sneezing noises cuz he couldn't figure out what I was doing. I am not ready for Mother's Day, nor is the Tulip Tree, if one more person walks in and expects to be the first one who's figured out that's a problem I may just may burst into tears again! Seriously folks, it's not funny. We know, and there's nothing we can do. It's going to be horrible, no matter how hard we work, no matter what plans we make, it's gonna be awful! I'm trying to accept that, it's not easy.

I believe any post I could write tonight would be depressing, so I'm not gonna put too much effort into it.

Scott got the brakes fixed on the truck, we're loading the camper tomorrow.

Today sucked.
-m

Wheeee!

Today I got to eat breakfast with my mom, it's funny how even an over easy egg standing in the kitchen is oh so comforting when my mom's there to eat it with me. She spent the early part of the morning spoiling Yahzi (every time he asked she turned the faucet on for him) and shivering. Apparently Scott & I keep our house abnormally cool and don't notice it. Perhaps it has something to do with the 15lb space heater who follows us around, lays on us, and likes the water faucet turned on for him when he asks (neither Scott or I are as well trained at that as mom was). Or we hate paying the gas bill and have learned to shiver without feeling it.

After she left I found myself standing in my driveway in the sunshine with no specific plan for the day (I had anticipated spending a day pacifying screaming back muscles). I wasn't exactly limber and painless but was ambulatory, so I twisted my own arm and went for a motorcycle ride. It was SO worth it.

I've missed those times when the process of getting somewhere is WAY more important than the destination. Today I just wandered. No surprise, I ended up out in Bluffdale. Shucks, that's where Lynn lives I haven't been out to see her in too long so I located her recently much improved driveway entrance (2 years of road construction has to have some kind of silver lining :) and stopped by. Much to my surprise Aunty Sheryl was there! I got to have a delightful visit with her while Lynn napped and then all three of us talked for a while. There are few people in the world whom I am that comfortable with. I am SO very happy to be part of that family! Also, they are the few brave enough to choose my side when either of the boys pick on me *not that either of them wouldn't skin me alive if I really hurt either Scott or Matt*. Love my Brown family!

Whilst I was on my wander and enjoying my visit Scott & Chris were at home shoveling mulch and mowing the lawn. I believe I got the best end of that deal! Best of all it was completely justified! Bike hasn't been ridden in way too long & I needed to burn old fuel and replace it. Had to be done :D

Thom & Judy got back to Utah this week! I can't wait to see them and give Willow skritches. It'll probably be a couple weeks before I get up to Ogden though. I believe I've missed them! Even though I get to keep track of them on Judy's blog and texting, it's not the same. I find myself missing those times when we all just sit and talk, about nothing or everything, or watch tv together.

This morning I watched a little siamese cat hunt doves in my backyard, I believe it must have been a domestic animal because there was altogether too much tail wagging for real hunting behavior. The doves are used to seeing my cats through the windows and were very secure being 8 feet off the ground on top of the kitty cage. After I noticed Spazz & Yahzi came over to watch the other cat (they think the doves are boring because they see the several times a day at our feeder). Oscar then came over to watch the cats, watch the cat, watching the doves. Oscar promptly began mimicking Spazz' clicking noises. This example is yet more proof that my pack is messed up. But they're all mine & I love them. Bawk-Meow.

Oscar has reached a new twist in his terrible 2s he's in love with my left hand and considers my right hand his competition. I've had a few VERY sharp warning bites on my right hand while I'm trying to type and he's snuggling my left. Go figure!

Tonight one of my camping friends Jessie (Mike & Lisa's teenager) talked me into being the adult escort for a paramore concert. Shucks! I guess I can torture myself that much. Being the grown up just isn't a natural role for me though. Mom said a while ago that I waited to start my teenage rebellion after I was 20...and I haven't stopped. Not sure what I'm rebelling, but it's fun so why stop?

It's late, I'm exhausted, and I haven't seen Scott in the whole time I've been typing this. Bet he's asleep at his computer in the office! I'd better go tuck him in.
Peace love & kitty snugs!
-m

Oh What A World We Live In!

Today was Stephie's princess day. I believe she had a fantastic day & I am oh so happy to have helped pull it off. Mom came down a day early and helped me kick butt and take names on all the tiny details that she's OH SO Fantastic at seeing. I've always said that if she ever quits her job I'm gonna move up there and take over...but honestly I don't think I could do what she does. She is amazing. Junior (steph's husband, gosh isn't that a fun thing to say finally) is one of the funnest guys I've met and I can definitely see why Steph loves him.

Unfortunately I did NOT get a chance to take pictures...too much else going on. However the reception hall, the cake lady, and the photographer (steph's co worker) are all fantastic professionals and got pictures. I intend to grovel for copies because I DEFINITELY want this one in my portfolio.

I LOVED seeing so many familiar faces... mnnkay maybe I only knew about 10 people at the whole wedding. But I LOVE the Lambs and have missed them so it felt like coming home. Heidi JUSTINE *she always made me call her that* is a darling, John is a daddy (:, Bart is as sweet as he always was, and Carl...well at least once tonight my mind went blank & I told him he was cute...he's just so big and handsome I couldn't help it. Wasn't he supposed to stay that adorable little guy with the BIG blue eyes forever? He grew into his eyes folks, and they're just as adorable as they ever were. *blush* Steve & Dawn still feel like my other parents even though I haven't seen them for years. They are all so THEM and I sorta felt like curling up there in that moment to enjoy being at HOME again. I guess I did spend nearly as much time at their house growing up as I did at my own.

I remember when dad died one of the hardest phone calls I made was to Steve. He was dad's friend, but also another kind of parent to me. Poor guy pulled off the road on his way to work in order to concentrate & make sure I was ok. I don't remember a lot of the details from that day, but that one is crystal clear.

Diane and John Knight were also there tonight. I didn't get much time to visit, but golly was it fun to see them! I just can't think of Diane without picturing her in her Queen B do rag from girls camp our beehive year. I do believe that part of my camping 'attitude' came from her example...that reminds me I must get her to demonstrate the exact knot sequence to create that hat. It was AWESOME.

Fran did two weddings on her own today. Proving the point that it never rains but it POURS. Fortunately all of our people came in and helped out and I didn't get any panic calls so hopefully all went well. I suppose it was some sort of radical preparation for me being gone over the summer. I hope they still need me come Monday. LOL. We've decided that even if the city won't let us move for the dreaded M day (they're being fussy about permits) we're going to at least set up a table and store finished arrangements down there. There is just NOT room for them and us in the temporary place. We're probably gonna be using tents out front to work under just to get things done.

Glenn was down to check on us today. He stopped by Anderson Cove on his way home and apparently chatted with a few of my friends.

Don if you read this I lost your phone # and have had no way to talk to you in order to get your sound card to you! Please do NOT give me a cart with flat tires and a dead battery! I didn't do it on purpose. My supreme talent for dropping my phone and getting it wet did all the work for me. The card's loaded & I have it ready! I wanted to mail it after christmas, but had no way to get it to you. I was VERY relieved when Carla said you'd be back this summer. I owe ya for the screw up, but please don't mess up WONDER CART worse than it already is! I work pretty hard not to hit the rocks as it is! (notice how the front wheels point different directions, that's pretty unpredictable on gravel). I've missed ya & I look forward to seeing your well behaved parrots showing off.

I am having a terrible/wonderful time transitioning from one world I LOVE into another...I'm pretty sure I'll spend the summer MISSING Tulip Tree and LOVING the campground. At least I'll be able to call Fran and vicariously experience the tulip tree. I really hope Adda follows through on her promise to visit. She's a tough little thing & I would love to spend some time with her when she's got nothin' better to do than fish.

Today was such a good day, I hurt so bad I can't think, but I can't stop smiling. It's great. Besides, I have ibuprofen and Yahzi snuggles, how can I complain? Also I gave Tiandra (no idea if that's even close to the spelling) our neighbor child (mike & andrea's) the extra corsages from today and the smile on her face was totally validating for how crazy everything was. I know I'm broken, but I've accepted it, and no one else pointed it out today. Well except mom, and she does it with sympathy and love. She stayed over because both of us were COMPLETELY exhausted and couldn't even think far enough to drive a few miles let alone 100. So tomorrow we'll have breakfast sort out all our accessories, share a few smiling tears about Daddy & enjoy a slow morning. I'm kinda looking forward to it.

That's way more than I thought I'd come up with tonight! Hope it makes sense to anyone else!
Peace love and kitty snuggs!
-m

I found brain cells!

Not sure if they're useful, and I really didn't have time, but the urge to write came upon me and so here I am!

Steph's wedding is this week, tulip tree's moving as of the 1st of may, and Scott & I are trying to get all the yard stuff done so we can load the camper into the truck. Needless to say I am exhausted. But ibuprofen works wonders & today is over.

Mom's been crazy busy with stuff for the presidents home, and Glenn had heart surgery last week. She is also exhausted. But saint that she is, she is coming to help me pull off Steph's wedding. I'd say I owe her, but I have and will do the same for her. In my book that's something different than owing. Glenn's fine btw, off on his own adventures again, and this time with better circulation. Thank goodness mom pestered him to go get a stress test to keep his CDL.

I rode my trike to work yesterday IT IS SO MUCH FUN! I'm really looking forward to cruising the campground and canyon this summer. Not to mention the health benefits that come from it being a bit of a workout. YAY.

Scott's changed the oil in nearly everything we own...EXCEPT MY SCOOTER...hmmm hope he's not waiting for me to figure that one out! Assembling my trike nearly stumped me. I'm savvy but not quite that daring! Besides if I screwed something up in there I could really hurt myself down the road.

I'm really missing my dad this week. Saturday next will be 7 years since he died. Funny but I don't think I'm completely done grieving. Not sure that's ever gonna happen. Tonight I wrote a poem, it's about him. But I think it might speak to other folk too. Sappy, sad, brave, and a bit lonely. I'm sure I'm the only one who ever feels like that ;)
anyhow I feel like sharing. So here goes.

days like this

there are so many days I’ve wondered

what you’d say or what you’d do

so many treasured moments

that are only missing you

I don’t regret a thing

that we said or that we did

we knew each others hearts & minds

there was nothing that we hid

but you had to go so quickly

there was so much left undone

I’m not angry that you had to go

but it would have been so fun

we’re all making new memories

but you’re somehow still a part

perhaps it’s all the love you gave

or the greatness of your heart

there are so many adventures left

and each challenge or surprise

though I’m happy where I’m ending up

I still crave your advice

I long just to hear your voice

though it echoes in my dreams

I know you’d help me see the falls

help me understand some things

I’m learning how to get along

I’m stronger every day

but on days like this I really wish

things had gone another way

so give all my dear ones a big hug

and I’ll do the same for you

I know we’ll have lots to say

when I catch up with you

That's it folks. Love it or hate it I don't mind.
Be well and be happy.
-m

Still alive!

Hey y'all just a quick update, I'm still here. The weather sux. Unpredictable miserable madness. Tulip Tree is making the final remodel decisions (carpet, tile, paint, etc.) We're officially on the move, the landlord has rented out the space we're using so they're super motivated to get our space finished. Steph's wedding is comming right up & there's a thousand things to think about. Mom's husband Glenn had heart surgery this week, also she's doing a big event for USU next week. I have less than a month to get myself together and get to willows. Time flies!

So it's not that I don't love you, or there's nothing exciting happening, it's that I don't have enough brain cells to put words together. Pictures soon.
-m