Back to the salt mine!

Started back to the latest version of my job...on 2 hours of sleep... caught some sort of tummy bug this weekend and was still in the throws of it all night long.  At 3am I woke out of the shallow semblance of sleep I'd been fitfully maintaining & proceeded with the tossing turning, until 6am when I gave up and went to buy a thermometer in order to determine rather I dared do my first day back at work.

The first 2 stores I tried were closed...so I ended up at Harmons with a a bag full of vitamins, cough drops, cold medicine, lysol, and a thermometer.  They did not stop me to visit.

Wasn't running a fever so I dosed up and decided I was gonna make 4 hours of high intensity training work.  & mostly I did.  Not sure it was the best foot to start out on, but it was better than calling in sick. 
 
Having 14 advisers to keep track of may actually turn out to be less stress on average than haveing 2 has been.  I am not expected to keep track of as many details for each individual.  I see a big difference in how I can help the health science students compared everyone else, but I'll get there fast & once I do I can see this being just as much fun as Jordan was.  I'll very much miss having the health sci admissions gals to back me up though.  My new location doesn't have much in the way of immediate backup.

After my shift today I stopped for one of the major perks of my new location.  Lynn's office is between me & the closest parking!  I really enjoy visiting with her, and having that resource is invaluable.  She keeps alluding to retiring & I'm gonna have to buy her a cell phone to keep that line open!  She's got a sick puppy right now, is doing all the responsible good things to take care of him & is still facing possible loss.  It's a horrible place to be & I wish I could do more than wish and pray for her & her boy.  She loves her fur children as much as I do mine & has done more than her share to take care of them.  It's so hard to watch them age & suffer and weigh the balance of comfort/suffering for them.  We want to keep them close & hate to watch them hurt.  I really hope the ultrasound tomorrow shows something that is mendable to make him comfy.

After that visit I stopped at Arctic Circle for a Banana Caramel Shake (my cousin Austin was a very evil child & got me hooked on these this summer) & a few 79 cent corn dogs.  I then stopped at the flower shop & had the first lunch buddy lunch I've had since leaving the flower shop. Adda sat down with me and filled me in on everything I've missed since Feb 14 (we don't say that word since it's a swear).  They are still recovering but have mostly caught up and are getting set to make 12 bridal bouquets tomorrow for KSL's "Leap of Faith" wedding event.  Depending on how things go there & how much "umph" I've got to go around I may stop over and help out a bit.

I feel much better tonight than last and hope to get some actual sleep here soon.

Live long & prosper.
~m

I get down, I get up.

My recent posts have been a bit low.  I'm sorry.  I do not write this blog to share the sob story of my life.  I don't consider myself to have one.  I've just been going through a low spot & it's showing.  I am not depressed, I'm mostly stressed.  I tend to process through talking it through, and I haven't dumped this one on my mom, Scott, Judy, or Lynn.  It's landing in my blog.  That's pretty unusual so I'm not gonna focus too much on it.

Perhaps one of the reasons I'm focusing on my blog is that recently my dear friend Judy lost hers.  Somehow and update erased 6 years of chipper, informative, and for some of us essential information.  That has been traumatic for her, and perhaps also for me.  I enjoy & look forward to seeing what they're up to, and knowing the details without being intrusive.  I know I could easily phone or text & be up to date, but it's not what I'm used to & I guess I've become spoiled.  So I'm over sharing a bit.  I'll try to get over it.

Made Oreo truffles the other day.  YUM!  and EASY!
mix one bag oreos with one block cream cheese in food processor
cool mix till stable to hold on ball shape
ball up
dip in white/milk chocolate *I used a double boiler & a mix of wfalmond bark & guitard & bakers white choc)
set on wax paper (I used mini muffin cups since I wanted them to be easy to share)
if desired sprinkle with a dash of pulverized oreo cookie (I made this in the food pro by peeling the cookie side of a few of the oreos before putting in the cream chs & the remaining cookies & filling)*
let set
SHARE

try to eat just one...I dare ya.

My cousin Emily shared these with me at a party & though I do not usually do sugar bombs the idea stuck & bloomed.  Call it a new leas on life. I enjoyed making, eating & sharing them.  In fact I think there's a few more out in the garage (my walk in cooler for the moment).

Live long & prosper.
~m

Been busy.

Getting myself into a head space where I could clean out my desk at Jordan was as difficult mentally as figuring out how to pee while laying in bed when I was in the hospital.  Possible TMI but....deal...I'd say "dare ya to try" but without the trained medical staff it's prolly a bad idea.  I just didn't know that "rotation" was part of that job.  Apparently it is, and I don't get a say.  So I'm reassembling my perceptions & girding myself up to go into this new adventure with a positive attitude.  I will dearly miss the people who have been so helpful & essential to me for the last 5 months, but at least until June I get to see some of them for 9 hours a week.  Working at Redwood campus is going to give me all sorts of new opportunities & I openly admit that I'm more than a little intimidated by the scope of things.  But I felt the same way at Jordan when I started, sure that I was somehow going to screw up everything because I wasn't sure exactly what was expected.  I shall weather this too & learn to be good at it.

I suppose the added strain of not knowing exactly how much I can do before I give out is an additional strain.  Lately every "normal" thing I try to do results in me arriving home afterward and falling into bed exhausted regardless of whatever else I needed to do.  I get SO tired So easily.  The few things I've attempted lately have been very rewarding in that I haven't done ANYTHING in weeks and ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTING.  I hope stamina builds back as quickly as I've lost it.

I'm definitely better off than I would have been without the surgery.  The headaches I was having those last few days, and the pain I was experiencing combined with the scar tissue they found on the spinal sheath & the spinal fluid leak they couldn't locate during surgery lead me to believe that I tore the sheath on my own and was leaking fluid those last few days.  There is no way of measuring what calamity I'd have found had I not been already scheduled for surgery.

******what follows here has made me cry twice reading over it, guess I'm sharing my learning process & being a bit weepy, don't read on if that kind of stuff bugs ya.  I promise not to go here very often******

So I'm taking my punches & trying to find the rainbow.  It ain't all that hard when I stand up and move without pain (that is when I haven't over done it).  But I'm really so much better off than I have been for years.
I know what's wrong:     Those 4 MRI scans were totally worth the mental anguish & however much my insurance paid for them!
I have a spine specialist I trust:    Doc Nathan is aware of everything I'm dealing with spine wise & is treating me.
I have a GP I trust:     Despite my sour grapes with West Jordan Medical, Doc Mikesell has my trust.
I CAN WALK:     Yep, that's a pretty take for granted thing, but it's praiseworthy when you've been without..
There ARE moments when I am pain free:     That's been a while!
I have options for pain relief, and I've gotten damn good at managing it:  Begin 3 week countdown to hot tub time HERE.

I'm not planning marathons, and taking pilates classes just yet...I'm walking, I'm LIVING.  I can not convey in words how VERY thankful I am for that.  I have been fighting this invisible monster for 14 years.  I now not only know what it is, I have an attack plan & am finishing the first battle.  Damn that silly ladder accident 14 years ago. It changed EVERYTHING!  But I can't change that, I can move on....FINALLY.

 I'm not even sure I would change that...it's a strange thing to contemplate.  The decisions forced on me by that event have been so much a part of getting to where I am, & I like it here.  I'm at a place where I'm really at peace with me.  There's no price to put on that & I wouldn't trade it.  It could have been easier along the way, but I wouldn't have learned the things I have.  I could list off the adventures, but those of you who watched & helped along the journey know what they were, and rehashing them doesn't hold much value.  So I'm gonna keep glossing them over, they're easier to carry that way.

I've been missing my dad this week.  Not like the normal days when I say to myself "sure wish I could ask Dad what he thinks" but the more heart wrenching kind where I KNOW he'd be better at making this decision than I am.  There's so much going on, and I'm so overwhelmed & he always knew what kind of head pats I needed & he was so good at helping me find the information that would be pertinent to the decision I'm making.  Just the rumble of his voice at my shoulder (don't know how many of you ever got the "come sit by me" treatment with him, but even when it was the last thing I wanted to do it was the thing I needed) or over the phone was enough to help me step up to so many things.  I miss that, but more I miss him.  There's a thousand ways to justify why he's elsewhere and what he's up to these days but sometimes I just have to sit down & do some missing. He had big strong hands. I picture rock man here from never ending story, and then remember all the hours of sacrament meetings gone by that I spent tracing the scars & creases of those hands, I knew so many of  the stories they told.  So many of them were from stories that included his dear ones, the people he loved and helped, and sometimes got banged up in the process.  To this day I catch myself when sitting quietly with an idle mind contemplating my scars & the stories that they tell.  This most recent one on my back has a much longer, deeper tale than most.

Okay, done.  I'm gonna sign off & lay down, been sitting too long.  Love to all those who read on this far.  & more to those who've teared up in the process.  I'll find something shiny to share soon & promise no more tears.

Live long & prosper.

~m

at the time I disliked the way my name skews what was meant to be shared with all who visit.  But just now, I'm recalling that "love ya daughter" were his last words to me & I'm ok with it all.

Changes

Wednesday I found out that I won't be going back to my job as secretary for advising at Jordan.  That news was very upsetting & scary.  I have REALLY LOVED that job, and like the atmosphere & people I get to work with out there.  But I turns out I don't really get a vote on this change, so I just better be optimistic about the new opportunities and challenges that working in the redwood office brings.  The first and most dreadful one of those challenges being a 7:45am start.  Blehk!  I am not a morning person!

Yesterday Mom & Glenn came down.  We went to our favorite chinese buffet & then the annual RV show.  Mom brought her 2 wheelchairs, and the 4 of us took turns gimping around.  As always there were lots of things that caught our eye, and lots of food for thought.  Mom & Glenn saw several things that gave them ideas for their concession trailer.  Scott and I saw a couple 5th wheel trailers that line up with things we've liked before.  There was also a trailer much like the one we fell in love with while in Quartzsite this last visit.  We still prefer that to most of the other options we've looked at.

This post has been left open on my computer for two days, I'm not sure where I was headed with my narrative.  Therefor I'm just going to tie it up & post it as is.  I'm hoping to make a batch of Oreo bon bons this afternoon & I need to do some recipe research.

Y'all take care.
~m

Still Here!

I have often said that in my next life I would like to come back as one of my cats.  Having spent the last 2 weeks being with them 24/7 I am revising that statement.  In my next life I want to be as at peace, happy, and comfortable as one of my cats.  Having the position and place to nap in and rather to have a snack now, or later as the biggest decisions in my day is not nearly as much fun as it might seem.  But each day I move a little better, and the pain is much different and far easier to manage than it used to be.  I am noticing changes in nerve sensation & muscle control that I didn't expect, but I'm hoping that as inflammation goes down in the offended tissue that some of those things come back.

I will meet with Doc Nathan next Friday & hopefully get a clear bill of heath to return to work.  I'm trying to condition myself to spend more time sitting rather than reclining.  Who'd'a thought that I would ever need to practice sitting up!

I learned this afternoon that I will not be returning to my secretary job at jordan campus but will be working at the main office at redwood.  I'm not exactly sure what to think abut that.  I've really enjoyed the people and unique environment of that office.  I have no idea if this change is permanent, I kind of hope it isn't.  It came as a complete surprise & has me a little off kilter.  I have an appointment to talk with my boss tomorrow afternoon & hopefully will have more facts then.

I went to tulip tree for a visit on Monday.  It was so great to see all of my friends there!  It was a predictable display of organized chaos.  The day before valentines is always crazy in a flower shop, no matter how organized or prepared you try to be.  And it's always fun, in and out of control panic stricken wonderful kind of way. 

Last Thursday night I ventured out to the truck to retrieve my stash of AAA batteries.  Outie (the cat we've been feeding since spring) was at the neighbors door meowing her heart out to get in out of the cold.  They've had all sorts of complications medically lately & I wasn't sure they weren't checked into a hospital and not coming home or staying with family while they recovered.  I just found out last week that they've been bringing her inside at night, they call her Lady.  I also found out that they were planning to take her to the humane society.  At the time I mentioned that she was not the kind of pet who would be quickly adopted and that I'd hate to find out she'd been euthanized.  Also she seemed to be quite comfy & little nuisance being the neighborhood cat & I was happy to continue feeding her & appreciated knowing that she was getting in out of the cold.

I know not all people look at the responsibility of caring for animals like I do, nor do I claim to be flawless in that respect.  I try not to pass judgment, but I have a very hard time watching/accepting when people treat animals as "things" disposable at the first inconvenience.  These are not wild animals, they have been domesticated, the core parts of their survival behaviors have been altered in order for them to be more astheticly pleasing, or better behaved.  Due to those changes I think we as the species that has pushed them to be domestic carry a responsibility to protect and care for them,  There is no such thing for me as a worthless animal.  Even snakes (which I HATE) if domesticated should not be forced to fend for themselves!

So rant over, & let me begin by stating that I love my neighbors and would hate to offend them.  I know that there are a few points on pet care/responsibility where our views/priorityies do no match.  Doesn't mean either of us is wrong, we just hold differing opinions.  I watched for an hour to see if they came home & at 10pm decided to bring her into our garage for the night.  Of course 10 minutes after I created a safe zone & brought her inside the neighbors came home.  Go figure.  I went over to let them know I had her so they didn't worry & was treated to a display of the stress bringing her in had caused in their family.  They've obviously got enough going on in their life and couldn't handle the added stress of an unwelcome pet.  Not that Scott & I were looking to adopt her either, but taking care of her won't take food out of our mouths.  Knowing now how much work, heartache, and frustration I had finding a new home for Royla I have been very reluctant to bond with Outie.  But over time I've caved.  Scott's been putting out kibble for her every morning & I've been feeding her a can of wet food every few days.  Her eye infection has not gotten any better & I was concerned that it might spread to my indoor kitties.  So Friday I made an appointment with the vet & took her in.  I have been meaning to audition this vet for a few years because they're so much closer to home.  After my experience I think we may switch over and take all of our fur children there for checkups instead of driving to the east side to see a vet who I dearly love & have trusted but who tends to overcharge.  Outie was a sweetheart to handle getting her into a cat carrier & to the vet wasn't nearly as much of a project as Yahzi would have made it.  The vet looked her over, ran some tests, checked out her ears & eyes & after asking some questions was able to comfortably ok her coming inside with my other babies.  The last hurtle was finding out if she had been spayed or not.  They took her into the back room to shave her tummy & look for a scar.  When they brought her back we were all a little surprised.  She is a neutered male, with a somewhat strange shaved belly.  So after paying the nice people I took HIM home & began introducing him to Yahz, Spazz, & Sider.  My goal is to get his eyes cleared up (they're doing much better in just the few days we've been applying ointment) and then begin the process of finding him a forever home.  He's been very affectionate, and even Spazz is getting around to liking him.  Oscar's not too psyched since he's lost some of the freedom he's used to.  Can't have him wandering at whim until new kitty realizes he's not food.

Outie needs a new masculine adoptable name.  I'm drawing a blank.  He can't be Outie now that he's in.


It's time for another dose of pain killers and another episode of Star Trek.  I hope all goes well in my world and yours.

Live long & prosper.
~m