Life's gets complicated very easily, and having your dear ones in the hospital only tangles, everything.
I'm not comfy sharing details, but Lynn can use all the good energy anyone can send her! She had a heart attack Friday night and that just adds another layer of complication to her recovery! Those who love me will add her to their prayers. I don't know what I'd do without her! We're all crossing our fingers and lending hope. Aunt Cherryl (I have no idea how she spells her name, but we LOVE her) flew in today. I believe she'll help Lynn's spirits greatly. They are THE example that makes me wish I wasn't an only child. Sisters looks like a very strong thing with them. I believe I can envy that. But mostly anything that makes Lynn feel better is golden. We're all waiting and hoping.
Once again I'm counting down the days I have with Royla. Against my fears I'm giving her back to the people who held her for a few days (she works at the gas station). Royla's been a different creature since she came back home (yes, it's an infinite guilt trip to know I did that to her). Her safe spot is a chair or my lap, but I saw that at their house she thought their bed was safe. Not just under but in it. That's how she was here before...I trust these folk, to watch and see and send her back if she's unhappy. It's terrifying. How do I send her to a new home and not feel like I'm turning her out into a cruel world? Las time I sent her to a good home (I thought) and she wound up scared, alone, and at risk. I HATE this. But these are good people who WANT her, so I'm taking a chance for her AND my peace of mind. I hope I can find a comfort zone with this, and I'm really gonna keep bugging these folks I'm affraid.
I discovered a HORRIBLE thing the other morning! I had been up all night with pain (yes unfortunately, that's normal) and decided to feed Oscar at 5:30 instead of getting up again at 7. For once I read the label of the bag I was reaching into, and realized I've been giving him dry/uncooked simmer (beans, seeds, peas, etc) food instead, which needs to be cooked instead of his healthy seed food (sunflower, pumpikin, etc) for a month now. Poor baby. He's still been excited for 'BREAKFAST' every morning. Poor baby, needless to say I found the right bag *much fuller than it should be* and he got an extra dose. Not that he's not still spoiled, but I feel BAD.
Work has been crazy, in a wonderful way. I do what I love, help people who make me smile, and generally have a good time. Also I get paid for it. Not much, but enough to pay the bills. It's a good life. Also I get to help set the rules and can take on whatever projects I'm comfortable tackling. I love it.
Tonight we had a nasty encounter. I think I gave Scott a connsusion. There is no end to the guilt! We both headed to bed, I gathered up my computer turned off the living room lights, he went to tuck in his office, I filled my water bottle and headed to bed...halfway up the hallway I hit a solid wall of...well Scott...who I knocked down amidst thumps and grumbles. Poor man, I rather ineptly tackled him. Cracked his head on the door frame, and I'm gonna wake him up in an hour to make sure he's not dead. Awful wife! Make me the name tag, I'll wear it. There's no end to the guilt!
I'm exhausted and still have miles to go before sleep. Perhaps it might be easier to just stay up nad catch a nap tomorrow evening. Nah, not with my luck.
Rest and be well. Keep those whom I love in your hearts!
-m
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