Not much that glitters.

My hesitancy to share negatives has pretty much blundered my blog for a while.  I am having a hard time settling into this new version of my job. 
It's no one thing, nor anyone's fault.  I've even come to a place where I'm not blaming myself anymore.  Apart from not fixing my gall bladder or back I can't see a way I could have avoided this stress & I simply can't regret those 2 major upgrades in quality of life.  If the price I pay is losing a job I loved & being essentially forced into one I seemingly can not succeed at is the price then it's still absolutely worth it.  That doesn't stop it from being frustrating & often exhausting.  Perhaps if I could cut all ties with Jordan Campus & forget how much I loved working there it might be easier.  But that's not an option. My hours were cut in the move & I not only want but need to finish the project I'm doing for admissions.

But enough of pouring my stress out here.  I am resilient, and will do my best to bloom where I'm planted.  & if the soil really does prove too acidic then I'll find another garden.

I've not had much of interest to report.  Since my encounter with the black ice I've had to becareful to used my cane or Lynn's walker.  It makes a big difference.  Knowing I have a way to catch my balance or sit down if I have a muscle spasm is an immense comfort.  I don't need it most of the time, but those few times when the muscles seize make it worth any hassle.  Healing is slower since the injury, but I am making recovery.  I've had a bit of frustration getting risk management to understand why my surgeon doesn't feel I should be pushing through physical therapy right away.  The only rational way I'm able to interpret their behavior is to pretend I'm some sort of scam artist trying to wring every possible anything from the legal system.  It's disgusting to be treated that way when all I want from the mess is for someone to be a bit more attentive when distributing ice melt on nasty frozen mornings.

Danny & Lynn walk that same piece of entry walk at that same time of day, and what injured me could just as easily have hurt one of them.  That's not ok with me.  They both have plenty to deal with already.


Oh dear.  It's late, and I haven't managed to include one positive in this whole post yet.  I really need to do something to fix my outlook.  I'd say I need a camping trip, but loading and climbing into the camper still seems a bit of a nightmare.  Perhaps putting together more plans for visiting with T&J while they're in Moab this summer would help.  If I get a chance tomorrow I'll work on that.

Mom & Glenn are still elbow deep in constructing their trailer, this afternoon I found out they're headed to a food show in St. G.  The weather should be nice for it as long as they get home before the weekend.

Scott spent the weekend moving furniture and setting up electronics to rearrange our living room.  I really  like the change & hope he can too once things settle.  Kitties do not approve....yet.

This morning I tried a new way of preparing coffee & discovered A: It's been long enough since I was the coffee shift at Maverik with it's ehky flavored burnt coffee smells & B: If I get the strength & mix right I can stand to drink the stuff.  I know for some of you that this seems like a sacrilege goal, but the other half of you have been wondering for years how I could go without & it didn't effect my marriage.  In fact, Coffee is one of the few recipes I ever called up my mom in law to ask her how to make it "the way he likes".  Moral hang ups being whatever they are, the fact is that more than ever I needed some sort of chemical stimulant to help me face this new job and all it's "glory".  Without coffee the options were pretty ridiculous. I'm confident that this new ability will improve my marriage (sometime after he gets used to sharing).

Ok, it's even later now, and I was exhausted before this day even started.  Better try another pill to slow the spasms and try for some sleep. Wish me luck & know that my dear ones are the shiny thing that's getting me through the day.  So thanks for being there.  My love & my thanks to you.  You're the thing that's keeping hope in my heart & peace at the core of my soul.  This too shall pass.
~m